On social media and internet addiction
Steve Jobs, who unveiled the iPad to the world, told a reporter plainly at the New York Times that his kids hadn't used it. The family limited technology at home, he said.
This is expert testimony. The people with the clearest possible view of how these products are engineered to capture attention looked at their own children and decided–not yet and not like this. That's not anti-technology. It's the same intentionality we'd want to bring to anything that powerful.
Nick Bilton, The New York Times
“I've been tagged in a photo. When this appears I can't help but click on it right now. I have to click it right now. But I'm not just going to click See Photo. What I'm actually going to do is spend the next twenty minutes scrolling and feeling bad after. The worst part is I know this is what's going to happen, and even knowing doesn't stop me from doing it the next time.”
Tristan Harris, Center for Humane Technology
“I'm bored so I check my email and pull down to refresh. The thing is about 60 seconds later I'll pull down to refresh again. Why am I doing this? This doesn't make any sense. It's because my phone is a slot machine. Every time I check my phone I'm playing the slot machine saying ‘what am I going to get’. Every time I check my email I'm playing the slot machine saying ‘what am I gonna get next.’ Every time I browse the news, I'm playing the slot machine saying ‘what am I gonna get next.’
Even knowing how this works still doesn't leave me with any choice. I still get sucked into it.”
Tristan Harris, Center for Humane Technology
“While social media opened up new worlds of possibility for me, it also became an inescapable trap. I could more quickly learn about new things and people than ever before, but I also found that I was spending less time with my friends and more time online…As Instagram's algorithm improved over the years, the app became harder and harder to stop using. I became constantly frustrated with myself and my lack of willpower.”
Sam Hiner, Young People's Alliance
“A user saw a post about dieting and hovered over it for a second longer than a normal post. Their feed quickly showed them more extreme weight loss types and more pictures of photoshopped models, making them feel worse about their body and distorting their worldview. This eventually caused or exacerbated an eating disorder that still affects them today.”
“Worst of all, these experiences typically happen at 12 to 14 years old, before they are fully aware of the harms of these types of contacts.”
Sam Hiner, Young People's Alliance
“As a teenage girl I was exposed to content that convinced me I was not thin enough. I spent my entire teenage years with an eating disorder that progressively worsened as targeted advertising, sponsored influencers, and algorithmically recommended content became more and more prevalent on social media platforms. It was not until I was 20 that I realized that I was worth more than being preyed on by corporations for my willingness to spend money to mask insecurity.”
Ava Smithing, Young People's Alliance
“To parents, I would say that the effects of social media on your children are often subtle, beyond obvious dangers like online predators or cyberbullying. Algorithms are transporting children to dark places, effectively placing them on conveyor belts that expose them to increasingly extreme ideas, identities, and behaviors. To older generations, my message is that while the modern world may be more convenient and materially comfortable, it is psychologically demanding and drastically different from the world you grew up in. The only way out of this crisis is to start with more compassion for Gen Z and Alpha.”
Freya India, afterbabel.com
“Pornography is a social toxin that destroys relationships, steals innocence, erodes compassion, breeds violence, and kills love. The issue of pornography is ground zero for all those concerned for the sexual health of our loved ones, communities, and societies. The breadth and depth of pornography's influence on popular culture has created an intolerable situation that impinges on the freedoms and well-being of countless individuals.”
National Center on Sexual Exploitation
“27% of all video content on the internet is pornographic. Imagine everyday growing up there was a coffee table in your living room and there were four magazines on that coffee table. One of them was pornographic and three of them weren't. And your parents just hoped everyday that you didn't look at the wrong one.”
“We have put little boxes of porn in their pockets, under the guise of safety, under the guise of ‘I have to get in touch with my kids 24/7’, under the guise of protection. That is what we are handing them.”
“In 2019, pornographic sites received more traffic than Amazon, Twitter, and Netflix combined.”
Chris McKenna, Childhood 2.0
“The news and social media has conditioned us that the outside world is dangerous and scary when in fact it's much safer now. It used to be kids were outside riding their bikes around town without a phone, making sure to be back before dark. Now parents are terrified of the ‘outside world’, while handing them the most dangerous object for kids ever created.”
Childhood 2.0
“A 12-year-old's mind is no match for a giant corporation using the most advanced AI to manipulate her behavior. Gen Z were the guinea pigs in this uncontrolled global social experiment. We were the first to have our vulnerabilities and insecurities fed into a machine that magnified and refracted them back at us before we had any sense of who we were. We didn't just grow up with algorithms. They raised us. They rearranged our faces. Shaped our identities. Convinced us we were sick.”
Freya India, afterbabel.com
“I speak to many parents about social media. They worry that their kids will talk to predators or be exposed to explicit self-harm and suicidal content, which are, of course, real risks. There is also something more pernicious and more destabilizing happening, something we have to get ahead of, because maybe it seems like your child is simply watching some makeup tutorials, following some mental health influencers, or experimenting with their identity. Let me tell you, they are on a conveyor belt to some place bad. Whatever insecurity or vulnerability they are struggling with, they will be pushed further and further into it.”
Freya India, afterbabel.com
I think our parents were right.
It was the damn phones.
We laughed as children, hearing, “It’s that Snapgram and Instachat and Facetok”.
They didn’t understand. They couldn’t even say it right. We thought we knew better than them.
They didn’t know what it was like, having the world at the tip of our fingers.
We scroll through the trash so much, we have news headlines tattooed on our skin.
Wires for veins. AI for a brain. And they may not have understood. But they were right.
It was the damn phones.
I prided myself on sobriety, on being drunk with only propriety. I was above addiction.
A hypocritical notion. For am I not addicted to my own anxiety?
Brought on by a need for constant stimulation. A drug in our pockets.
But who can blame us? We were but children when they were given.
We didn’t know how to stop it. If I added up all the hours I spent on a screen,
existential dread and regret would creep in. So I ignore this fact by opening my phone.
And it’s not like I can throw it away. It’s how we communicate. It’s how we relate.
It’s a medicine that is surely making our souls die.
I used to say I was born in the wrong generation, but I was mistaken.
For I do everything I say I hate. Exchanging hobbies for Hinge,
truth with TikTok, intimacy with Instagram, sanity with Snapchat.
I have become self-aware. Almost worse than being naive. I know it’s poison, but I drink away.
The character behind the phone screen has become self-aware.
We used to be scared of robots gaining consciousness, a lie by the media companies.
To keep us distracted enough, so not to become conscious of the mess they created.
We are the robots. We are the product. And so I sit and I scroll and I rot on repeat.
Sit and scroll and rot.
Until my thoughts are what is being fed to me on TV,
until my feelings are wrapped up in celebrities,
until my body is a tool of my political identity.
I sit and I scroll and I rot.
And I post on the internet how the internet has failed us
so that I may not fail my internet presence. I think our parents were right.
It was the damn phones.
Kori Jane Spaulding
Today, one of the most common experiences of adulthood, especially in ambitious cities among high-achieving people, is a strange kind of loneliness. You can be messaging people all day. You can see everyone's lives unfold in real time, and yet, despite this so-called connection, you may find yourself feeling increasingly alone. Friendship now requires much more intentionality than it once did. So reach out to others even when it feels awkward. Call someone you love just to say hi. Invite someone to dinner. Say yes when someone invites you. Be the one who makes things happen in the real world, and others will be grateful to you.
Jon Haidt, NYU commencement address
The Delay Manifesto
We believe the best experiences in life are almost always analog.
We aren't anti-technology. We simply want the right tech at the right time and that's often a lot later than the rest of the world. Why? Because pitting our amazing children against the world's most brilliant software engineers isn't fair or right.
We believe in the unique value of one, precious childhood.
This means we will make hard tech decisions now. So, they can have a healthier later. Why? Because no parent ever regrets giving their child social media too late.
We believe in the power of human connection.
Looking at each other. Smiling. A caring hug. Why? Because we're literally designed for each other.
We believe in teaching our children how to use technology.
This starts with us modeling limited and transparent use of our tech. Why? Because it's tough being a parent in the digital age. But it's even tougher being a kid.
We believe in starting fresh.
Maybe we said ‘yes’ a little too soon. If so, we're going to lead with relationships, talk about the changes we want to make, and re-establish boundaries. Why? Because my kids are worth it.
And we will boldly and confidently speak about the decision we've made.
This includes school leadership, other parents, or relatives. Advocating for change when needed. Why? Because many may hold similar beliefs but lack the courage to speak out.
Protect Young Eyes
Video games, dating, gambling – even investing have become gamified and optimized to keep us staring and swiping. We've all had the experience of picking up our phone, maybe for a good reason, only to find ourselves an hour later mindlessly scrolling. That's not an accident. That's our phones and apps doing what they were designed to do.
So treasure your attention more than the people want to take it from you. Never forget what it's worth. For Meta, it's a trillion dollars. For you and your life, it is priceless.
Jon Haidt, NYU commencement address
In Western societies, the dominant form of power has shifted. No king commands us. No foreman stands watch. For many who work on screens rather than factory floors, there is no whistle, no visible overseer. The disciplinary institutions Foucault described those that monitored, corrected, and confined behavior still exist, yet they are less dominant in shaping how we live. A different logic has risen to govern our habits, and instead of repressing, it affirms. Instead of commanding, it motivates. Instead of saying no, it says yes—relentlessly.
If the old regime spoke in the voice of prohibition, the new one speaks in likes.
Its pressure feels less like a frowning teacher and more like a game of comparison with influencers, metrics, and a curated self that always seems one step ahead. We are told to optimize our sleep, perfect our diets, build our brands, unlock our potential. Listen long enough and you'll learn how to biohack your mornings, discipline your focus, and transform your passions into revenue. Scroll long enough and you'll be reminded that Beyoncé has the same 24 hours you do.
Byung-Chul Han, The Burnout Society